The Librarian's Revenge ©

The Librarian's Revenge ©

An Odyssey Into The Wonderful World Of Words

This community is dedicated to C.W. Hewett's epic masterpiece

My first post :)

Martin OakshaftPosted by Martin Oakshaft 09 Sep, 2010 11:02PM

Hello! This is not Mark, he has "lent" me his account until i can get my own. My name is Salla and I love writing all kinds of little stories, though genre-wise I love fiction and fantasy the most. Since I am Finnish, my stories are originally written in finnish and I then translate them into English. I hope that the words and phrases translate ok :)

Behind me

I have to run. Panic! Where did they come from? From over there? From further away? I ran faster, my feet were aching but my paws hit the asphalt lightly and quietly, softly. I jumped high, my leg hit the fence and I felt my skin rip. I kept running and felt their stinging smell. Stench.

The edge of the forest was already at my sight, but to get there, I'd have to get across a wide, open field. I'd be there like an antelope being surrounded by lions. I'd have to be fast and lucky. I almost smiled even though I was scared. I had been very unlucky lately, and I felt pain in my wounded leg.

The last house. In a few seconds I'd be an open target to everything and everyone. I'd have to be stronger. A lot stronger. I concentrated on forgetting about everything that was surrounding me and trusted that my legs would keep running during the transformation. I almost tripped over when I felt my feet changing, they now allowed me to run in an upright position. My front paws lengthened to form arms, but I didn't lose my fur. My skull grew bigger, as did my teeth and my snout. I got plenty of muscles all over my body. My leg wasn't hurting any more, the wound was now only a small scratch, and I was starting to almost enjoy the feeling I had.

I looked around, I saw them behind me. A huge dose of adrenalin was running in my veins. My hands reached to my hips, and met a belt. I had my hunting knife with me, as usual. I carefully drew it from its sheath and slowed down. When I met the edge of the forest, I suddenly turned around to face them. They kept running towards me with a crazy gloom in their eyes. I growled. Bring it on.

Posted by Alicia Beavis 10 Sep, 2010 07:25AM

Welcome! Nice story you've got here! I just have a few grammar corrections for you and a few suggestions you don't need to take :P

I almost tripped over when I felt my feet changing; they now allowed me to run in an upright position.

Semi-colon because those two lines could be two separate sentences but are connected so you can use a semi-colon.

and I was almost starting to enjoy the feeling I had.

Moved one word to make it 'flow' better in my opinion.

I looked around. I saw them behind me.

I changed a comma into a full stop because these are two separate sentences.

I like the story you've started to tell but think it'd be awesome to read some more ;) There are a few fragment's in here but I guess with the story you're telling and the pace of it it could work interestingly.

Great job.