The Librarian's Revenge ©

The Librarian's Revenge ©

An Odyssey Into The Wonderful World Of Words

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Here we go...

Martin OakshaftPosted by Martin Oakshaft 08 Jun, 2009 10:33PM
Um.. although this is my second posting with a story, its actually my First Ever one! the "Commando was written while i was fussing over this one.

I cant really explain where the inspiration came from. all i can say is that the germ of the idea happened while i was in the bath (but i didnt run down the streets covered in soap bubbles shouting "Eureaka" - the idea wasnt *that* amazing :D )

anyhoos... it has been faffed with and tweaked and i have been (re)assured that its a decent story, so have a read and hopefully enjoy.

as usual, any feedback would be super-cool.....





The two Old Boys stood back and surveyed their handiwork in the field with a satisfied look on their faces. What they had achieved, in the dead of night, and with only a plank and a lot of rope was rather extraordinary, not to mention extremely artistic.

It was the most elaborate corn circle they had ever produced to date. The first one they ever attempted was years ago. It was initially Georges idea. They were in the pub one evening chatting; the usual subjects of Life, the Universe, Everything, and of course how things were so much better in their day. George convinced Bill that it would be a bit of a laugh and something to do, while at the same time confusing the hell out of “the foreigners” (in other words, anyone who lived 20 miles outside their village). They thought it was a great wheeze.

Both being in their sixties and still as full of mischief as they were when they were garrulous teens, they spent months in the local library looking up esoteric symbols and icons. They researched obscure cults and ancient civilisations. It was usually George who found the bests ones to use. To avoid suspicion, they decided to actually make a crop circle only once a year.

The actual making of the circles was fiendishly simple. Under the cover of darkness (and with the aid of some rather neat night vision goggles) Bill and George would creep into the selected field and do the measuring out. At specific points in the field one of them would place markers and make line-of-sight calculations. Once this was achieved they would both use the rope to mark out the edges and lines.

Working quickly and silently the two men would then flatten the corn. They each used the most simple tool – a short plank that had a rope tied on each end. It looked just like the seat of a simple swing. Keeping one foot on the board, and the rope looped over the shoulder, they would push their plank forward and down while employing a shuffling gait. Although they tried to work in silence, it was very hard for them not to laugh at each other - two old codgers shuffling around in a cornfield in the middle of the night.

The first circle they had produced caused a storm of intrigue and excitement. The Old Boys village was definitely put on the map. It was flooded with media and UFOlogists, as well as a lot of assorted New Age people. Chuckling into their beer with a look of complete innocence, Bill and George watched the drama unfold. They had both agreed that it was definitely worth waiting a year……

Dawn was still hours away and as the Old Boys were deciding where to stash their “tools”, George made a stunning announcement.

“Y`know, Bill, I really don’t think we need to do this anymore”.

“Eh? what?” Bill replied, surprised.

George looked at Bill straight in the eye. Bill had to suppress a small shiver. He had never seen George looking so… intense before.

“Well” George said, “You know we used to joke and laugh about aliens, about the way they kidnap people and do all sorts of weird experiments?”

“Yeah, including that dreaded probe” Bill laughed uneasily.

“Yup, including that” said George with a smile “I’m afraid to tell you that it’s all true. I am, in fact, one of those aliens”

Bill held Georges gaze for a moment and suddenly burst out laughing… “Bloody hell, George, you had me going there! I have known you for years and that’s the best gag yet!”

George smiled and put a friendly arm round Bills shoulder. As they walked back to the car George tried to explain the situation. Bill was quite frankly amazed at the tale that he was being told. He didn’t know George was so good at spinning a yarn. As far as Bill could understand, George had been sent to earth to infiltrate and evaluate the human species. Along with thousands of his brethren, he had been genetically altered to look like a young lad, and would grow at the same rate as humans. George went on to explain that part of his mission was to befriend a human, keep him under close observation and test his mental capabilities. Once his mission was complete, George would then signal a response craft and effectively kidnap his human friend.

“…a response craft, eh?” Bill said after a pause.

“Yes, that’s right, Bill. We have been sending coded signals to it. That’s what the crop circles were all about” George looked up and scanned the sky “in fact, it should be here soon”.

Bill frowned and followed Georges gaze skywards. Although he had known George for as long as he could remember, Bill couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit worried. Lots of little idiosyncrasies were popping into Bills head. George had always been a little bit odd, but Bill had assumed that was because he was partly foreign (George was not “local”, he claimed to have been born in a town that was 50 miles away).

“Hmmmm” Bill mused, unconvinced... “so you are saying that I am the human that you are going to kidnap?”

“Yes, that’s right. Don’t worry though. Most of the experiments won’t be too painful…ah! Here she comes!”

George pointed to a rapidly growing silver sphere that was dropping out of the sky. He thought he might have to restrain his friend, but bill was standing there stupefied. His mouth agape in astonishment.

“But… but… I don’t want to be experimented on” groaned bill as the full realisation hit him. The craft had arrived and was hovering in the centre of the corn circle. To Bill, it looked just like a huge blob of mercury. Shiny and fluid, the craft seemed to glow ever so slightly and Bill was sure it was producing an almost inaudible hum.

“Come on Bill. Its time” George said reassuringly while gently pulling Bill towards the craft.

“This is all too weird for me, Gorge… aliens and experiments. Next you will be telling me that they really do use those horrible probes”

“Um… actually, yes” replied George sheepishly.

“Oh, bugger me” moaned Bill in desperation.

“Funny you should say that, Bill”

As bill was staring at the craft, George had reached into the inside of his jacket and removed a rather long telescopic device. Tearing his gaze from the craft, Bill turned his head and stared at George. It was then he noticed what George held in his hand. It was about a foot long, and emitted a green ethereal glow. Looking at it, knew what it was and how it was going to be used.

Bill fainted dead away………….



incidentally.. i *was* thinking of adding something along the lines of Bill having this done to him every year, but he gets his mind wiped each time, only to remember everything as George produces the probe. I think that i have faffed with it enough though and its a kind of benchmark for me... i wanted to see if i could actually write something that was entertaining as well as "correct"




Posted by Martin Oakshaft 18 Jun, 2009 08:35PM

thank you four the positive feedback, Hanah, and oooooh...well spotted! lol, i must have re-read this story dozens of time and i never noticed. Thank you :)

have to admit that my spelling is pretty good (when i think about it!), but i think that my fingers "type" too fast and i end up with odd typos!

Posted by Hannah B. 18 Jun, 2009 08:19PM

smileylove it write more stories like that oh by the way in the second paragragh you wrote corn circle instead of crop circle not that i spell any thing write or use capital letters

Posted by Leif Ahnland 09 Jun, 2009 09:29AM

Hi! As you know I really like this, there are some passages that are hilarious and on the whole this is very good stuff. Keep going and turn it into something longer, I implore you.

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