The Librarian's Revenge ©

The Librarian's Revenge ©

An Odyssey Into The Wonderful World Of Words

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Another Poem!

Alicia BeavisPosted by Alicia Beavis 22 May, 2009 08:33PM

Just want to get some feedback, and this is by far my least favourite poem that i've written. So much so I don't have a title! If you can suggest a title it would be appreciated! And yeah just any suggestions for improvement!

Open your eyes
Just realize
That love defies
Any pain that lies

Deep under the surface
Losing your loved ones, is it worth it?
It's your life don't curse it
Speak to me converse it

I'm here for you, i'll listen
These words right here i've written
To show you what your missin'
Smile, let your eyes glisten

Stop those tears from flowing
Be happy, there's no knowing
Someone could love you for showing
This life of yours your not throwing

Away into the darkness
I know your not that heartless
We can get you past this
Give you the strength to get a new life started

Your strong enough to get through
To live your life and pursue
The dreams you have and review
This painful life from which you withdrew

Posted by Shereen Boudjelal 15 Nov, 2009 12:29AM

great real light shiner, could really give someone strength and hope, thanks for teaching to persevere and pull up from the cliff egde.

Posted by Zoe Gibson 26 May, 2009 12:11PM

To the naming of poems well you kow ow i can't even name my own work. I don't see why you don't like it that much, i wouldn't be able to write a poem that has a really good flow.. and it rhymes!

Posted by Alicia Beavis 22 May, 2009 11:30PM

Thanks, I like it! I think I will use it, yet again thanks!

Posted by Martin Oakshaft 22 May, 2009 10:56PM

From my point of view writing a rhyming poem (it there an official word for one of those?) is damn tricky, so i think you should be proud of this one.

as for a title...
to me the poem sounds like it is encouraging someone who is grieving. kinda like an emotional life raft.... Y`know what? re-reading it, i think that possibly the title could be as simple as "open your eyes". what do you think?