The Librarian's Revenge ©

The Librarian's Revenge ©

An Odyssey Into The Wonderful World Of Words

This community is dedicated to C.W. Hewett's epic masterpiece

My Heart....

Martin OakshaftPosted by Martin Oakshaft 11 May, 2009 11:17PM
I have just realised that i am running out of "old stuff".... after this there is only one more "poem". Damn, im gonna have to stop procrastinating and actually attempt to write some sort of story..eek!!

now *that* should be interesting!

anyway, this is another "I have been dumped" kinda poem... lol, i seem to have a balance of "yay, she loves me" with "noooo.. she has left me" - i see a pattern forming here ROFL. Once again, i hope that you like it, and that it can help for anyone who has "been there". Im also hoping that my "stuff" is good simply by literary standards, not just how they make the reader feel, but that is only a minor concern for me at the moment (`cos they were all written by me, *for* me, to help me deal with stuff).... Enough wafflage....

MY HEART

My heart is an empty house

Once so full with life and laughter

Now it stands empty,

The hearth is cold, the curtains are closed.

There are shadows everywhere

The cellar is full of monsters.

You have broken in,

opened the curtains and locked the cellar door

You have lit the fire,

The hearth burns hot

Chasing the shadows, warming the room.

Now you leave

I knew you would

The fire burns down

The shadows close in

Empty again




oh, and i also once thought of a great line, but i have never been able to "squeeze it in" anywhere - its quite dramatic and cynical and it goes: "the scar-tissue of my soul"




Posted by Martin Oakshaft 12 May, 2009 03:58PM

thank you all!! Yes, it does rely very heavily on metaphors - in general im usually really crap at explaining stuff to people, so i tend to use metaphors a lot :)

I guess the fire really explains how there is a shining, warm light in my life as she suddenly comes into it.

and.. yeah, the transition is how it seemed at the time - a sudden revalation that she loves (or rather loved - past tense, bah!) me, and the consequent lightening of my spirit.

Im glad that this one is likes, and commented on. mucho appreciation :)

Posted by Leif Ahnland 12 May, 2009 02:01PM

Hi there. Well I think you should definitely get going with writing some new stuff. I'm sure you'll churn ouit great things. This one is powerful and depicts a feeling I can relate to. I once thought of my brain/heart/soul or whatever would be the correct term as a house. And that I started out with a little hut to which rooms were added whenever a new person came into my life. And when I lost them the room would be lika that of someone who had gone away. I would sometimes go in there and look at the furniture and memorabilia that gathered dust. And then some of these persons came back and the room would be inhabited again.

The only thing I am wondering about here is whether the transition here is too abrupt.

The cellar is full of monsters.

You have broken in,

Somehow I feel there could a hint of change coming up between these two lines. But I think it works as it is though. And actually, the meeting you describe has a tendency to be quite abrupt.

Good work.

The Librarian

Posted by Zoe Gibson 12 May, 2009 10:56AM

I love it! I never really thought about how and empty heart and room could be so similar/related to each other. I like the way you related a fire to a new ?person? coming into your life and then leaving again.

Posted by Alicia B. 12 May, 2009 10:28AM

Nice, I like it, and on the matter of just making the reader feel, isn't that the main point of poetry? And on the contrary it does make me feel, although i've never been in this situation. literary standards well it's good enough to meet mine!