The Librarian's Revenge ©

The Librarian's Revenge ©

An Odyssey Into The Wonderful World Of Words

This community is dedicated to C.W. Hewett's epic masterpiece

Biting the bullet....

Martin OakshaftPosted by Martin Oakshaft 01 May, 2009 09:35PM
...um.. ok. so this is the only "story" i have ever tried to write. It is actually based on a dream i had and the main character is, oddly enough, the pen-name im using.

Bit of a disclaimer here... i have never had any "training" in creative writing. I have never taken classes and i only left school with a Basic English Pass (i was in the "remedial class" for the 4th [and final] year of school)..Im never quite sure about punctuation, either. i tend to throw commas in all over the place. Any constructive critisism would be wonderful, just.. be gentle, ok? :)


The start of a story......


Sleep. Dreams. The land of wonder. A place where everything and anything happens. A place of images past and present which skews reality with hopes, desires and fantasies. A confusing maelstrom that would never make sense anywhere else except here.

This place. This nowhere. It is the stage where day to day thoughts are acted out. The script created almost randomly. The actors, the scenery is almost fluid. Changing constantly, re-forming perspectives.

Marten is lost within his own dream; his waking awareness is still buried deep within his subconscious. His dream is fragmented, surreal.

It starts with Marten standing on a wide, open plain. It is flat and sandy. Palm trees are sprinkled around but he cannot perceive any horizon. Suddenly, there is a feeling of a crowd of people, men, he thinks but they are just perceived as shadows, unimportant. The focal point of his attention turns to a beautiful woman who is walking near the almost invisible crowd. Marten cannot distinguish her features, although he is aware that she is beautiful. All he notices is that she is wearing a simple white blouse, laced up at the front, and a long flowing skirt. The skirt seems to be made of a light, thin material and allows the sunlight to shine through, showing the outline of her legs.

Marten is aware of the crowd staring at this strangely erotic vision. His attention is no longer on her. He is not interested.

The crowd walks away and Marten is aware of another girl, hitherto unnoticed, holding him back and urging him to wait. He turns around and sees a blonde woman dressed in a beautiful flowing blue dress. She is at the same time a stranger and also someone he knows very well.

Upon seeing her, Marten is filled with a feeling of love and an intense fondness. Suddenly, without warning, she reaches up and kisses him. Tentatively at first, but with gathering strength. Surprised, He pulls her gently onto the sand, lies next to her and asks, "What are you doing?” She sits up and replies, "I have known many men but only you have melted my heart. I love you. Will you love me? Right here, right now?” Tentatively, Marten agrees.

Hours instantly pass. Marten has no recollection of his surroundings. He just remembers asking the woman if what happened actually did happen. At this point Marten wakes up and realises two things: It was 5.00 am and it had been just a dream.






Posted by Mary D. 07 May, 2009 08:14AM

this is a really good scene!

Posted by Martin Oakshaft 03 May, 2009 01:21PM

Thank you both!

I really appreciate the comment about more description. I think that at the time, my memories of the dream "filled in the blanks", so to speak, so *i* knew what i was talking about - not really good for the reader though ROFL!


Posted by Leif Ahnland 02 May, 2009 04:04PM

Having little time I'll come back to comment properly but I just want to say that you are much too modest. There is a lot of good stuff here. For example, I like the first two paragraphs very much:

Sleep. Dreams. The land of wonder. A place where everything and anything happens. A place of images past and present which skews reality with hopes, desires and fantasies. A confusing maelstrom that would never make sense anywhere else except here.

This place. This nowhere. It is the stage where day to day thoughts are acted out. The script created almost randomly. The actors, the scenery is almost fluid. Changing constantly, re-forming perspectives.

There are some things I'd like to go over more thoroughly at some point.Wanting to see more, I urge you to keep at it!

The Librarian

Posted by Alicia B. 01 May, 2009 09:44PM

I like it, especially how it seems to be so factual. Only thing MAYBE just a LITTLE more description other than that a very nice & interesting little read. You should write more, it's very good considering it's the only story you've ever tried to write. Oh and I do like how even though it's in 3rd person you still know how the characters are feeling. Good job.