The Librarian's Revenge ©

The Librarian's Revenge ©

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Apples

EXERCISESPosted by Geoffrey Bunting 23 Apr, 2009 05:44PM

Task:

· Choose two random facts from the book ‘BLABLABLA - Something to talk about when you don’t have anything to talk about: 600 completely pointless facts’.

· Write a short story in twenty minutes incorporating both facts.

In 1894 there were only 4 cars in the US.

Apples belong to the rose family.

Draft (20 minute task, with repeated distractions from Miss Ball):

In 1894 my family, being of rather rich and eccentric stock, were fortunate enough to own one of only four cars to be present in America; since made three by virtue of the fact that we lived in one of the posh areas of London. Not too posh for me, on odd intervals in my life, to be held up at knife/gun/pickle point with a delinquent saying I’m going to knife you, I’m going to fuck you up right proper or in the case of the pickle I’m going to rub this in your face until it’s perfectly preserved in brine! These occurrences were far too common in my life. As well as this I spent my time learning the finer points of apples. Facts like apples actually belong to the rose family. Clearly a fact that was going to serve me in later life! All this contributed to my later, shall we say occupation? Put simply after growing up with one car, some apples and some pickle obsessed violent neighbours- that tonight I found out another fact. In twenty minutes one can achieve at least three and a half rapes!

Later Draft (with additions and omissions)[Still some rape though]:

In 1894 my family, being of rather rich and eccentric stock, were fortunate enough to own one of only four cars to be present in America; this ended up being three when we moved into one of the more expensive, snobbier areas of London. Not too posh for me however, on odd intervals in my life, to be held up at knife/gun/pickle (delete where applicable) point with some delinquent saying I’m going to knife you, I’m going to fuck you up right proper or in the case of the pickle I’m going to rub this in your face until it‘s so covered in brine, it could be perfectly preserved for months! These occurrences were by far too common in my life. As well as this I spent my time learning the finer points of apples- of which it may be shocking to note, there are few. Facts were thrown at me like apples actually belong to the rose family. Clearly one of those major life lessons that would serve me well in later life! All this contributed to my later, shall we say occupation/obsession/instability (delete where applicable once more)? Put simply after growing up with one car, some apples and some pickle obsessed violent neighbours. It was tonight I found out another, new, fact. In twenty minutes one can rape at least three and a half women! Which was a new record for me. It was, however, a fact few people seemed to appreciate.